Sarah Ryan

“I’ve missed motherhood – I’ve missed a whole section of my life, living in a residential care facility took motherhood away from me. I tried to make the best of a bad situation, but it was a very bad situation”

A once-in-a-life-time experience for any woman – the pregnancy and birth of your first child.  Nothing compares to the uncertainty, anticipation and elation.  Those early months are a haze of love, punctuated by sleepless nights, endless feeding and nappies.  For the newborn baby, their world starts and ends with their mother – and so it was for Sarah and her brand new daughter.

When her daughter was just three months old, Sarah suffered a sudden and massive stroke.  Her life was saved by an emergency craniectomy.   Overnight, Sarah
lost so much.  She lost the ability to walk as well the use of her left arm; she also lost the ability to meet the practical and pressing needs of her newborn baby.  In addition, Sarah acquired post-stroke epilepsy.

The night before the stroke, Sarah, her husband and daughter had been enjoying a meal with friends.  Sarah felt unwell, and retired to the couch to feed her baby.  Sarah tuned into the TV, which was featuring the FAST campaign Ad – how to recognise a stroke.  Sarah wondered fleetingly if the tremendous headache and neck pain she was experiencing could be a stroke?  Thinking it would be an over-reaction to front up to hospital because of what was almost certainly an unnerving coincidence,  Sarah took some paracetemol and went to bed.  When she woke to feed her daughter during the night – although she felt no worse, she had not improved.  Again, Sarah considered going to hospital, but it was the middle of the night, and Sarah could usually shake a headache with some paracetemol and sleep.  She decided to reassess the situation in the morning.  Sarah collapsed as she tried to get out of bed the next morning, she had lost the ability to use her legs, one of her arms, her speech was incoherent, and the right side of her face was droopy.  There was no longer any doubt that Sarah had suffered a stroke.

After 12 long months of residential rehabilitation, Sarah and her husband were forced to face the reality that Sarah returning to he family home, and resuming day-to-day care for their daughter – now 15 months old, was not a realistic option.  Sarah’s in-laws opened their doors, welcoming the family and assuming responsibility for much of Sarah’s daughter’s care.  Sarah reflects on this difficult time and says “I felt I was no longer her mother….I was the one she would call for – I would come, but physically, I could not lift her out of her cot.  I couldn’t carry her and I couldn’t change her.”

In an attempt to further her physical rehabilitation (which had deteriorated) and gain more control over her epilepsy – Sarah was admitted to a specialised stroke rehabilitation unit.  Sarah stayed in this ward for 5 months.  The enormity of Sarah’s situation, and the strain it placed on her marriage took its toll.  When it came time for Sarah’s discharge from hospital, her marriage had dissolved.  Sarah was admitted to a residential care facility.

In an effort to maintain her sanity – Sarah volunteered her speech therapy services at the local primary school; this gave Sarah a link back into her former life, and helped pass the days.  Sarah viewing the nursing home as a stepping stone “It was a horrible existence, I didn’t feel like a person, I didn’t feel like a mother.  I felt nothing….it was just an existence, I was just living”.  Sarah took every possible opportunity to spend time with her daughter – getting herself out twice a week, and negotiating her way to her in-laws to spend time with her daughter.

Sarah is now living independently – she has a small unit, and receives assistance at the start and end of each day.  Sarah is focused on rebuilding her life, and reconnecting with her precious daughter “I’ve missed motherhood – I’ve missed a whole section of my life, living in a care facility took motherhood away from me.  I tried to make the best of a bad situation, but it was a very bad situation”.  Being the best mum she can be is Sarah’s strongest motivator.

Sarah knows first hand how devastating an institutional environment can be for someone as young as herself.  Sarah is now 30 years of age, and she proudly lends her support to Building Better Lives®, doing her bit to eliminate the need for young people to live in nursing homes.